When will it stop?

I cannot wait for the new Protection of Personal Information Bill, and the Consumer Protection Bill to take effect later this year. In fact, I will be uncorking a bottle of champers, and dancing on my desk like a deranged can-can girl. Because I have had it up to here with call centre phone calls (to my personal cellphone, might I add)!

I have just received a call from Standard Bank's call centre. The agent asked me if I would spare a few minutes of my time so he could explain the reason for his call. I conceded (not because I am curious about the product he is peddling for his R13-an-hour salary, but because I just know that the script his bosses have forced him to rehearse will be worth a few giggles). He tells me that the phone call will be recorded (please, oh please let the marketing manager listen in on my call...).

And then he launches into the most theatrical monologue I have heard since I watched Shakespeare performed in London. "Standard Bank and Standard whatever have developed the most amazing product for only its most valued clients, special important people like yourself.. blah blah... if one of your family members, that is, a loved one [what else is my family? Unloved?], is injured, through a road accident, through a misshap in the dangerous holiday season [erm, the holiday season has been over for at least a month now!], or through an act of crime...blah blah..".

At this point, wiping away tears of laughter, I interrupt this call centre agent. I tell him what he is trying to sell me- an insurance product (why the hell is he wasting my time with his 20-minute long script! He could have started the phone conversation off with: "I am selling a new insurance product. Would you like to hear more about it?" I would have told him I am not at all interested, and saved us both the pain).

I also have to explain to him why I'm not interested in his call (if I want insurance, I'll look for information online and I will ask the right person the right questions via email- I have a brain!). I do NOT appreciate the cold calls, the downright fluffy and pathetic scripts, the wasting of my time with this bollocks, the calls to my cell-phone (from a private number- oh, how sneaky..).

If I am such a special and important client, then why doesn't Standard Bank give me value where I need it and would actually appreciate it (like, lower Internet banking fees? or shopping vouchers?), instead of trying to sell me another stupid product which will ultimately benefit them more than it will ever benefit me!

It is about time that marketers realised the damage that these calls do to their brands! I am so angry with Standard Bank and their useless call centre now, that I am likely to boycott them and their products in future (in fact, I'm going to buy a Standard Wank t-shirt which I will wear next time I visit my branch). The fact that I will tell my friends, colleagues and family [erm, "loved ones"] about this disgusting call means that I am creating negative word of mouth messages about Standard Bank (and we all know how powerful word of mouth dissemination is!). So much damage caused by one simple phone call...was it really worth it, Standard Bank?

Fulvia